Skip to main content
close search
site logo
Column

Retail Therapy: May the 4th be with retailers' Star Wars promotions

The force might be better-employed by helping retailers find the flaws in their promotions than by helping Rey find herself.

Published May 4, 2018
Cara Salpini's headshot
Senior Editor
Box Lunch

It's been another weird week in retail. Every retailer in the galaxy tried to make Han Solo puns pay off, CEOs from Sainsbury and Amazon made waves on Twitter and Hobby Lobby's Iraqi smuggling stint has thrown the retailer back into the hot seat.

This, and more, in this week's retail therapy.

The force is strong in these products

In a galaxy far, far away, May 4th is a day like any other, where customers go about their daily business without a single thought dedicated to stormtroopers, Jedi or George Lucas. They live in blissful ignorance of a galaxy slightly closer to home, in which retailers stumble over their poorly-constructed marketing tactics to try and prove that their product has anything to do with the Star Wars franchise.

As a general rule of thumb: if a customer has to think about what a Wookie has to do with the toilet paper they're picking up, it's probably because it doesn't.

Expected slogan: "Jewelry that is out of this world."
Kay Jewelers
 

To the surprise of no one, that hasn't held retailers back from doing cheesy Star Wars-based promotions likely punctuated all too frequently by insisting store associates bid every customer farewell with a hearty "May the 4th be with you" upon exit.

Promotions range from the slightly-related (think Lego Star Wars watches) to the nerdy, yet relevant (like backpacks and lunch boxes). Once we've bypassed those two categories, we get down to the really good stuff, warmly referred to as the "desperately trying to make a lightsaber relevant to my product" category.

It's here, in a space so crowded with bad products that we can almost taste the sweat, blood and tears of overworked marketers hoping for a break, that intrepid shoppers can stumble across Star Wars-themed ballpoint pens, Kylo Ren sunglass gift sets, a whole collection of Star Wars-related jewelry and — perhaps the most useful — a Star Wars waffle maker.

Here's to hoping the force can take a break from teaching young Jedi and transfer some of that "fear of going too far" into retailers' marketing techniques.

Asda acquisition gives Sainsbury CEO a song to sing

While it may have been a bad week for marketers, it was a great week for watching CEO's make a fool of themselves.

In this edition of "which CEO woke up regretting their choices this week," we welcome the head of U.K. grocery chain, Sainsbury, Mike Coupe. Never one for the subtle art of foreshadowing, Coupe was caught singing a slightly slow and depressing version of "The Gold Diggers' Song (We're in the Money)" before a live TV interview about the company's acquisition of Walmart's U.K. grocery arm Asda, according to Quartz.

Coupe apologized for his "unguarded moment" (we've been assured he'll never sing out loud again without reminiscing on this humbling experience). But in a tweet last week, Jeff Bezos wasn't ashamed at all about his "lucky boots," which he paired with jeans, a blue T-shirt and the most quintessential cowboy hat you've ever seen.

The whole scene is rather "Cowboys & Aliens" meets Elon Musk, but we're pretty sure Bezos is the only CEO who could match country attire with a space shuttle and not blow up the internet.

Hobby Lobby seeks redemption for some of its sins

They say your worst mistakes always come back to haunt you. So it was with dad sneakers, so it was with thong jeans and so it inevitably was with Hobby Lobby.

It wasn't so long ago that we were making light-hearted jokes about Hobby Lobby's smuggled Iraqi artifacts and now, having confirmed that the company was selling products that were acquired illegally, the company is back in the spotlight with a mistake that will likely burn brighter than the sun in The Middle East for years to come.

According to Fortune, the glorified crafts store bought 5,500 ancient Iraqi artifacts from "dealers" in 2010 (apparently the term "dealers" wasn't enough to tip them off that this was a bad move), but is now only returning 3,800 of them. Questions as to what's happening with the remaining 1,700 are as of yet unanswered, but the artifact-heavy Museum of the Bible seems a likely next point of investigation.

But hey — the bible doesn't say anything against buying Iraqi artifacts from smugglers and trying to pass them off as tiles anyway — it just has that "thou shalt not steal" and "thou shalt not lie" — and that's totally different, right?

Editors' picks

Company Announcements

View all | Post a press release
Neora Launches Spectacular Holiday Savings with Deals Up to $296 in Value
From Neora
December 05, 2024
Tulip acquires Humankind to revolutionize omnichannel customer engagement
From Tulip
December 05, 2024
Bergmeyer Becomes a Certified B Corporation
From Bergmeyer
December 03, 2024
New Study Finds 70% of Young Adults Aged 26-34 Budget to Manage Financial Pressures
From PYMNTS
December 17, 2024
Editors' picks
Latest in Marketing
Industry Dive is an Informa TechTarget business.
© 2024 TechTarget, Inc. or its subsidiaries. All rights reserved. | View our other publications | Privacy policy | Terms of use | Take down policy.
Cookie Preferences / Do Not Sell
This website is owned and operated by Informa TechTarget, part of a global network that informs, influences and connects the world's technology buyers and sellers. All copyright resides with them. Informa PLC's registered office is 5 Howick Place, London SW1P 1WG. Registered in England and Wales. TechTarget, Inc.'s registered office is 275 Grove St. Newton, MA 02466.